It was a Wednesday night and Kade and I had gotten in a little argument. We had been fighting a lot recently and we were both under a lot of stress. We were trying to fix things and were talking for a while. He asked me if there were any times that I had thought of breaking up with him. The truth was yes…but I didn’t want to tell him that and I didn’t want to break up. But I wanted to be honest so I told him a few times yes. He started to cry and told me he didn’t know if he could do this anymore. I just stared at him. No tears. No words. No emotion. No anything. He kept talking explaining that the fights were to much, etc. I continued to just stare at him and then he told me he was going to leave. We gave each other one last kiss and we hugged. That was when I began to break down. It was over. 7, almost 8 months done and gone. We both agreed that nothing had to be awkward or bad and that we could still be best friends since we ended on good terms and nothing bad had happened.
The door shut and I fell against the wall in complete tears. I had never experienced anything like this and was shocked. I felt like my heart was torn out of my chest and shattered into a million little pieces. I couldn’t stop crying. Claire and Annie comforted me while I cried and we went for a walk and a drive. I had never been so upset and had never had a feeling like this before and I had absolutely no idea how to handle it.
I took down the photos in my room, changed my profile pictures, and everything that had to do with him. I had his shirts but I didn’t want to hold on to them I wanted to give them back to him as soon as possible. I brought them over and into his room and we sat there and cried comforting each other and just talking. It was so hard. It felt good to cry with him though because he was the only one who really understood it but it also made it hard to see him and be with him. My eyes were incredibly puffy and the next morning I couldn’t even put my contacts in or wear makeup because it was that bad. I wore glasses and a hat to my classes the next day. I had 4 of them and a Spanish test. I told my professor that I had a family emergency and she excused me from the test. There was no way I would be in the right mind to take a test like that. I cried throughout the day – especially when people who knew what happened saw me and asked if I was okay. Kade and I texted a few times throughout the day to check up on each other and we talked again that night. It was not getting any easier. I was hungry but hadn’t eaten any meals and felt like I would throw up if I did. So Kade and I went for a drive. We drove around and talked for a while. After our talk I ended up feeling a lot better about things.
The next day our friend group decided to go slack lining in the park and things were totally fine between Kade and I. I still felt sad but things were getting easier and we were able to be friends around each other.
After our adventure downtown and in the park we went into his room and talked. We laid in his bed and I decided to be 100% completely honest and transparent. I told him now that we weren’t together I looked back and realized how dumb all of our arguments and fights were and that I wanted to get back together and I would do anything for that to happen. I was so scared after saying that but I wanted to say it because I wanted him to know exactly how I felt. He stared at me for a a minute or so (it felt like forever) and then he grabbed me and started kissing me. We decided to wait the weekend out but that we both wanted to get back together.
So it happened, we got back together and things were better, a lot better….at least for a little while.